Aug. 8, 2017

All In the Name of Love

 I have a good laugh as I sit here and think back to my first love. I laugh because in my eyes I did it all in the name of love.  How many times have you all told yourself this?  I was truly kidding myself when I thought it was love.  To be honest it was love on my part, but it was convenience on his end.  It was all about what I was able to do for him and how I made his life easier while he made my life a living hell.  

Of course, as a teenager no one was able to tell me a thing.  I knew it all, and everyone was wrong especially my mom. Today, I wished I would have listened.  A year of regret, heartache, and tears could of been avoided.  

My mom warned me about him, but I loved him and he loved me was my defense. He had me hypnotized with all his words of love, he wined and dined me, introduced me to all his friends.  That certainly made me feel like I was the one, his girl.  Little did I know I was ONE of many.   

As much as my mom tried to keep me away from him it never worked.  I always found my way back to him, until finally one day I ran away from home and into his arms. Again, I did it all in the name of love.  

He had me exactly where he wanted me.  Away from my family and dependent on him, losing myself in the process.  As the days went on I began to see him for who he really was.  He introduced me to the womanizer and the abuser.  He rarely came home, and when he did he had hickeys or verbally abused me.  

There were days that I would eat at work because i knew that was my last meal of the day.  I would get home after he ordered dinner and he would sit there and eat without offering me any.  It went on this way for a few months.  I had lost about 30 lbs and neighbors had began to question if I was addicted to drugs.  

To tell you the truth i didn't have an epihany.  I began to grow tired of his treatment and didn't have the enegy or love to continue.  I remember calling my mom and asking her if I could come home and she welcomed me with the door wide open and I am truly grateful til this day.

Who else has made poor decisions in the name love?