May. 8, 2018

Mom....

Three awful weeks since you were taken from me.  Finding the courage to move forward has been the most difficult feat. I seem to be frozen in the exact same place since that dreadful phone call.  Although, life continues to move around me and since I must be a willing participant, I do the bare mininmum. I can't see past the sorrow of not being able to call you for our morning chat.  Who is going to be my prayer warrior now?  No one can soothe me with their words quite like you mom.  

Everyone seems to have moved on except for those who were closest to you.  I am grateful for them because I know I am not alone in this feeling of tremendous loss. I know that I can lean on them because they can relate to this immense feeling of losing you.  Even though we share our own personal stories about you, it doesn't seem to erase the feeling of emptiness that lives in our hearts.

Today has been one of the hardest days yet.  From the moment I got behind the wheel the tears just began and continued to flow all morning. My entire morning was spent thinking of you and this uneasy feeling of my world caving in on me. This sickening feeling of loneliness, that I can't seem to shake off no matter what I do.  I try praying and I just can't.  I dont find the words.  It feels like I forgot how to pray.  All I seem to do these days is sob uncontrollably.  

Knowing you as I do, I know that you are rejoicing in heaven with God.  You were his most faithful soldier.  I was a witness to the astonishing faith you had in him.  With that being said, I am so thankful that one of his best soldiers has become my guardian angel.

Thank you mom for being the strong, independent, hardworking, and loving mom to me and a doting mama to my children.  I am eternally grateful.  

I love and miss you mom!